something paid in full...

one more... this is one of my favorites from 2002, written between thanksgiving and christmas. it was written about a guy i hadn't seen since early morning, january 1st, 2000. still haven't seen him. he was, without a doubt, my first love.

i want to see you because
                        i want to feel you because

because i think you owe me something.
         something you had once, first.

something i want, from you.

but first, come within range.  put yourself in the cross-hairs.
i want something from you.
                   once in tiny stolen capacities
                          once in full, paid back never...*

and you want something from me.    something you didnt have in a sh00ting star

something sand in your eye made clear.
                          something said once to constelations
                                      (through leaves)

i want something from you.

shh come near...
      only so much i can do where others can hear

i'll tie your shoelace for a dime
                fog your windows for a time

wash over me (like the surf?)::how long ago was that::



are you still ::still reading::

do you even know this is for you.

some early poems of mine...

as you ran off to the shore
it was as if you had never existed
like your memory dove into the crest
like the waves swept you clean (from sight)
and the lights on the oposite shore
obliterated even your shadows
but i knew your profile
i recognized the line of your shoulders
coming back from the dark and wind
to share the latest prize you've found
while wandering the shoreline
where you were all along
*you and your silly rock :) *
**********************************************************

we kissed infront of a passing train
like a postcard
like we were speaking french
thats why i love you
as you turned your head
your profile struck a chord
it was rachmaninov
(knew it by that one chord of course.)
and i saw a man
buying a postcard
of a couple kissing
infront of a passing train
i looked over next to me, and you...
you werent there
but the postcard fell from the man's hands
and landed at my feet
so i took it home
and tucked it into a safe place on my dresser
and sang it a song
in french
because thats why i love you
**********************************************************

sometimes...i'm a brittle starfish
too many too close no escape
sun star sounds like a better place to be
but a little too lofty and lonely for me
where would i fit...
opalescent squid mate all night
tentacles flushing red
when they succeede
sounds like thats the life, right?
but when the eggs are down, you're gone with them too
nothing like personally catering
an under-sea all you can eat
(the entre is you)
i think i'll stick to brittle starfish
fumble and stumble my way through
maybe i'll find myself on the ack of a sunstar
and see if i can save the day...
************************************************************

he talks in phrase-like questions
what kind of language is that?
you're made angry by the words you shape
mouth remembers words of hate
the questioning mouth holds wonder
and curiosity on its lips
*************************************************************

(they're old, early 2002, but i like them. hope you do too.)

gosh darn it, people like me.

forget it! i like who i am. i'm tired of counting. measuring. weighing.

yeah, i'll probably measure every now and then, i may even go back to a schedule... but for now, well, i just don't wanna. and you can't make me.

but in the mean-time, i have good news! i raised over $400 for kids with cancer!! yaaaay! and my head's really cold all the time now! yaaaay! hah.

i'll tell the whole story later, but not only was saturday important because of st. baldricks, but it was also a first date with a lovely young man named george. i don't have time to tell you much about him, so this little snippet of one of our conversations will have to suffice for now:

me: interesting fact; if i had ben a boy, my name would've been george.
george: ewwwww. well, it's over now. i'd never consider dating a george. sorry. o.O
me: that's a shame, cause i could really see myself with a wolfgang :-D
george: i so don't look like a wolfgang.
me: yeah, well, i don't look much like a george, either.

check out the st. baldrick's album on my myspace page for pics of both me and george. and if anyone knows how to make myspace stop uploading my pictures sideways, now's the time to tell me.

going bald for cancer

alright guys, i know i've been lame. i know i haven't posted in a while, and i know i deserve nothing from y'all... but i'm here to ask for it!!

i'm in a desperate race to raise as much money as possible for a children's cancer charity before 5pm tomorrow... when i get my head shaved! that's right, tomorrow, i go under the blades at the st. baldrick's party!

so please, i'll love you forever and you'll be eternally in my heart if you'll CLICK RIGHT HERE and head over to the page to drop off a little donation. or, if you'd like you can paypal me your donation, brokedown_tiger@yahoo.com and i pinky-swear that i'll forward the amount directly to st. baldrick's (as long as you put the name of the charity in your subject line or something).

in addition, i'll be sending random gifts to 3 of my donors... names to be selected on sunday once my head's all cold and stuff.

so c'mon, please, pull out those credit cards. crack open that paypal acount. if you live near me, i'll even take a baggie of pennies. i'm going bald for children with cancer, won't you please help me out? and tell your friends!!!

***************
on a more personal note, my aunt had her last chemo session last friday, i'm so happy!